I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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