but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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