The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
