Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
