We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
