I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
