Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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