Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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