I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
