btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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