why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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