I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
