Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
