New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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