He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
God, I missed his penis.
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