His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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