Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
