I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
