if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
