It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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