am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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