You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
