sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
