Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Randomize
