Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my cat just said my name.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
pray to the hookup gods
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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