he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
