In the future we'll all be gay
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
