I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
last night I used snow as a chaser
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize