i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
