I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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