Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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