i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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