Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
