I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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