I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
