so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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