i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
