My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so let's talk penis.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
