My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
