his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
