in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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