Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish i was in the wii world.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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