No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
