The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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