Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
