I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
