i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
