He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
