Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
