p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
