nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
