Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
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Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
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Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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