So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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