You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
