Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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