I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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