she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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