So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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