how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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