in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
