I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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