so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
