smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
