Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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