The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
