It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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