Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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