Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need a beard to bite.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
