he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
