I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
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Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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