when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
