we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
