Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
