I CAN MOONWALK!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
