He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
