HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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