He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
