if i can run in heels then i can drive
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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