I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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