so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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