I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
