Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish you could order shots online.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
