i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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