Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
