Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
