I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
