I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
