and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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