Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
be right there i have to get my cape
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
