Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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